SCARRED

Its on my knees, on my back, on my face; a scar. Each is a different childhood story, or a kitchen knife, or a tripping tale into a ditch. Its what these physical unfeeling objects spot my body with, these visible reminders. It’s as shallow as the abrasions appear to be, at least for me.

These scars are from a place of pain, other times of fun and cured by an over the counter pill or a band aid and drops of antiseptic that send me screaming all day. They are wounds I would make excuses over; to not do the house chores and that I got guilty pleasures from to not attend school. They are bruises my parents would remember about and bring me sweet gifts in the evening from work.

There is that which you do not see, or care not to probably because you don’t know.

They cannot be buried like we do dead rats in the backyards. They crouch on to dark stacks of the conscious and the subconscious awaiting a slight touch on the edges to rip open and spill all the gore out. They hide but not necessarily die.

These aches are etched in our unsuspecting depths of our souls. My unseen hurt has shaped me with silent prickly hands in ways I cannot evade. I cannot go out and play, and not fall down and not bleed. To date I fail to find the bullet proof armor to shield my gentle self from tearing, from wanting to explore, from being touched.

I make excuses and give bountiful buckets of reasons why. Now I wear my scars up my sleeve, a ready defense for my doing, drawing them out as ace of clubs during poker whenever I twinge. I maybe clutching at straws for running out of band aids to dress each lesion and make up to cover up the ruins.

I’m growing and learning to breath and wait to heal. It is the tough way though, for there are not enough bandages and time for bedrest for poor damaged souls. People have no tender hands to caress those bruises and burns for you but will gladly add on to your anguish till you lose your face.

Basically no mercy for fragile hearts that break, no pity for souls that ache.
May these scars commemorate our stories of agony that we burst to tears for, the courage we had in stepping up and moving forward despite the hefty bundles of pain we carry inside.

Be Brave dears!

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